Unsorted desires and dreams

Yes ! I do,
Yes ! I believe,
Yes ! I dream,
Yes ! I have desires.


Hey but all dreams and desires can't be good ones. I sometimes think evil as well, at that very moment I might have been fighting with my own beliefs, my own perception towards liking something.We know some dreams might never be fulfilled but still we dream or let's just say fantasize about it. I strongly believe that there is part in every human being which can think evil even for an instance or fraction of seconds or may be not 'evil' but can think negative towards something.


At the moment I am stuck with the situation. I am in love with 'Mr Who from future'. Being single is freedom, carefree, freedom of choice and freedom of almost everything. I am a free bird, who wants to fly and touch the sky but I never forget no matter how much I fly my destination would always be 'The Earth'. What I'm trying to say here is that, being single I wonder 'what does future holds for me?', 'How would my future life partner would be?', 'How will I meet him?', 'Will I ever have a life that I dreamt of?. Ahh too many questions and I know those questions are sometimes unanswerable. I know there any many men around me but I still leave this decision to my destiny and future to decide. May be I just don't bother to have commitments myself or may be deep down I'm hurt and I'm putting a shield of denial to protect myself. I am a tough cookie which looks hard outside but soft and sweet inside, I guess. *phiewww* But all I want is little act of faithfulness and simpleness from someone I care. Lavish things and luxurious talks don't convince me at all. Hahahah don't think of this post as an advertisement of me looking for a guy, you know those stupids reality shows like ,'..............ki swayamber', 'The bachelor' blah blah. 


Well, as being a normal human being I have many desires and dreams that are unsorted and I guess it might remain like that till I, Me, MYSELF go ahead and do something about it. Soon I will put an effort to do that but at this very moment I'm just ignoring my own heart. Sorry! You'll have to wait to be hurt by someone again cause love hurts, shit it really does hurt.


Please ignore the contents of this particular post thinking some insane girl has gone mad and just jot down random words here. Will you do that favour for me? hahhaha I'm a rude girl not being polite right but having said that I want you to know that I don't have any evil thoughts right now. hahhaha 


Have a good day all of you! Live life to fullest and laugh uncontrollably.

In a dilemma situation.

Hey guys, today I haven't got anything interesting to write as such. I have been trying to figure out something for quite sometime now. I always thought that I would lead a life I desired and live a life I deserve. It's not that I'm not not happy or I'm not living the life I desired, it's just that I have left something unfinished. I wish to continue and finish it. But I'm in dilemma whether to continue or not. The question here is, 'Will I be able to finish it as I expected or will I just leave it as I left it before; unfinished?' After my 10+2 I came overseas to study something. I was young and that was the first time I was on my own. Facing the difficulties of survival in this unknown country and people, I couldn't complete the studies. I started studying something else and did quite well in that as well now. But deep in my heart there is always a dissatisfaction or lets just say a feeling of incompleteness that hunted me. So, lately (over a year :) I have been thinking of going back to the same course and finish it off. It obviously means the biggest decision cause it means I have to contribute 2 more years of my life, enjoyment, money, freedom and so on. I'm not worried to sacrifice them if I can do well in completing the studies, what the concern is that am I confident enough. I have thought of it over and over again yet I'm still looking for answers. I'm confident that I can do it but still there is a side of me which is not so confident. I frankly say that I lack confidence in certain field and I'm super confident in certain things. It also means changing careers at that stage of time when most people are already settled down  in their prospective careers.

Even though I left it long time ago, I still have the chance to continue it. I called up the board and they say I still have time. Haaa I just thought like, how could I be that lucky. My profession now is also a professional and prospective but I'm still looking to work harder. What life would have been if there's no existence of this thing called 'dream high, expect high, or lets just say to be better'. There's a famous saying by Mahakavi Laxmi Prasad Devkota (the greatest poet of Nepal ) that ,'Udeshya Ke Linu, Udi Chunu Chandra Ma Jun!'. It simply means you've got to aim high so that one day you can reach the highest peak as far as the moon. I have deeply thought that this is what I want to pursue now, I might fail my exam or I might end up hopeless but I'll still try my best. I've got to overcome this dilemma situation myself. This time if I want to go back and study all those things again it would be little bit difficult as I'm not used to those 'terms' anymore. I have been lucky in my life in many ways, so hopefully this time as well luck would be in my favour if I try hard. In my point of view, we never stop learning; either in your life or in your studies. I tell my mates and relatives 'Do you ever stop studying, it just continues!'. So, I might as well take it seriously and work on it.

Thanks for reading, sharing these thoughts feels like I'm one step closer to the answers. Even though we communicate only through words it just feels like you are listening to me. Thanks very much for being my backbone of hope and I appreciate your support. :) :D

Be happy!

Something in my mind

            As I lay in my bed to sleep, I realised another day has gone just like a blink of eye. I have no regrets in my life as such but still sometimes I feel like there are many things I have yet to achieve. There are many places I have yet to visit, many friends yet to see, many adventurous things yet to accomplish and many many dreams yet to fulfill. Still here I am stuck at 9-6 work from Monday to Friday. Will I ever get time and opportunity to do all those activities. I would love to go and see the amazon reinforest, the 7 wonders of the world, the Mount Everest, Tansmania-Australia, and many many more places. But being stuck at work and always running out of time to do anything makes me mad at myself why do I have to live my life like this. A feeling of cold breeze hits my nerves. Yet again I continue to live my life like this and life goes on. This world needs money to function every aspect of life. My dreams are dreams. One day my be if I insist they will be fulfilled, even if they are left as dreams I would still be content that atleast I had the courage to have a dream.
 
            All these things in my head still fresh I went into deep sleep. Don't know how it happened, I was in this fascinating place; a place where you can see greenland, mountain, river and clear blue sky. I felt so happy inside that I started smiling and carried on walking. The melodies of nature is whispering something in my ear. My hair is scattered with the fierce wind of the chilly mountain. I could forget everything at this moment of time. All the hatred, anger evil thoughts of this world and just lay there and feel the moment. The peace you get at this very moment is precious. Suddenly, my peace is disturbed by some strong noise. Guess what its my morning alarm. I am in my bed trying to remember what I was doing. Just as I opened my eyes it is a different world now. But I loved being in that beautiful place in my dream. I thought very carefully where would that kind of place might exist. I came to a simple perhaps wise conclusion, it could not be anywhere else then my own village in my country, my Nepal. I live in a world of dream but still manage to put it together with present.