My name and its controversy arrgggghhhh

Sometimes I think why we are called by our 'NAMES'. What if we never had any names, world could have been different I guess. Its just because most of the times people cannot pronounce my name properly. It makes my blood boil. Even back in Nepal whenever I had to introduce myself infront of classmates or any other places, I really find it awkward cause I always had to repeat my name. They would continue guessing different names which makes it even worse. Why won't they just listen carefully and just get it right. In school my roll number always came towards the end cause of my alphabet 'S'. There were some benefits to it though. My mates used to tease me with many names like,'Shakuni mama, Sha Kun??? Tala^(which story of the house), Sha Cocco'. [looks like I am revealing my nicknames myself ooooppisssyy daaiiisssyyyyy]. At one stage I even thought of changing my name but to be honest I don't like people with many names. I just feel like their personalities could be as many as the number of names they have.

Then I came to UK, I knew people would still find it difficult to pronounce. When some white friends said its 'unique and cute', I felt like they were just trying to console me. They would ask is there any simplified version of your name, I would just say, call me 'Shakira' hahaha I wish (eyes rolling). One girl even said, 'Shakulala' arrggghhhh. The discontentment continued. All Bengali friends used to call me with my surname Limbu as  'Lemboo' (In Bengali-Lemon).

The most annoying thing is, in London you see different ethnic people. Most of the Srilankan, Indian or any Hindu people who call me,'Oh Shakuntala Devi', oh for fuck's sake I'm not Devi. Don't call me Devi,,,I might be Devil instead. There was once I had a big argument with customer in my previous job. He would read my name batch and say,'Why are you wearing someone else's name batch.' He thought that I was trying to cheat or something. I told him its my name, he said this couldn't be your name. You look like Chinese. Then all those blood in my nervous system went straight into my brain. I just told him to 'fuck off'. First the accusation and then humiliation, I don't deserve to be treated like that by some stupid man who thinks he knows all about Hinduism. I know what my name means and what is the whole religious things connected behind it. People don't realise that I used to watch all those religious  dharawahiks in Nepal Television gosh.

Wikipedia Common

Well, the thing is, our dad was so much in love with our mom that he named all four children with the initial 'S' which happens to be my mom's intial. All my sibling's name are nice except me. It's like a family tradition now. My uncle's daughters have names with initial 'S'.I don't know why he named me like that. I sometimes wonder,,,, if,,,,,,,if I would have become a superstar, how would people call me. A young girl with old woman's name. Everybody suddenly remembers their granny or nanny or auntie or even mother-in-law. Actually mother-in-law thing is funny. This was few years back when I used to work in this place, the owners mom's name was my name. He couldn't call me with my name so he used to call me Shaku only and his wife hahaha she couldn't even say half of my name. My recent employer's son was spellbound and had mouth wide-open to see me; because he thought I was some middle aged woman ( due to my name). 

But one day a girl of 15 came to our work for work experience. She said to me my name is fine, nothing wrong with it, imagine those people who has name which is nice but different meaning could arise from it. Such as Aruna sounds like Arna (buffalo), Hardik,such as nice name but don't even wanna pronounce it in English. She sort of opened my eyes which I was resisting or denying.

One day I wanted to book an appointment in doctor's surgery, the receptionist asked my name. I said to her I'll spell it for her cause obviously if I try to pronounce it she would say please spell it for me. I started to spell it. S for Sugar, H for Hotel, A for Alpha, K for Kilo, U for Umbrella,,,,she is interrupted by somebody.We were still on phone, then I was trying to continue spelling my name for her, she says 'oh you're still continuing your name?'. F**k**g hell, what the hell she was trying to say. Well, what can I say, if that's the name I was born to live with then I might just accept it. Besides I don't have any other name that I was ever known with. This is my identity, my pride, my existence. People elderly people tell me that any girl with my name will have a loving husband,,, haha I don't know how much of that is true but I hope it'll be true. 

My name and its controversy aarrgghh continues. I feel like I was suppose to born in 40's or 50's but came bit late in this computer world.

Note: Dedicating this blog to all those who face similar situation as me cause of their names.